5 October 2013

As I sat outside the station having a smoke I remembered how I used to ponder why obviously disabled people smoked. It didn't make much sense to me. But, being older and wiser, of course I know that there are so many more reasons for disability than the mind can comprehend. 

It reminded me of the neurologist and the MS nurse both telling me, I guess as some reassurance, that nothing I had done had caused me to have MS. I'm not sure if it reassures me or not. If I'd done something to cause it then at least my logical brain would have something on which to ruminate. 

As it is I can sit in Old Smokey, in stately splendour, in the clear and certain knowledge that nothing I've done or not done has contributed to the way things are. 

Whether that's a comfort or not I've no idea. The only thing I can think is "it is what it is". Which is a pretty tossy proclamation, however true.