Saturday 17 September 2016

17 September 2016

I'm unsure if it's the beginning of the end, the end of the beginning, or something else. What I do know is that I feel totally humiliated. That's nobody else's doing. It's all my own work.

The past week I've had problems with the toilet. I can go perfectly well (thanks for asking) I just have struggled to get onto the toilet and to get off it. Such a simple task. I've been doing it for decades. Quite successfully too. But no longer.

It has reached the point where I have become terrified of sitting on it. It is so simple to have a pee; I just slide a catheter into my utethra and point it as the porcelain. So simple I can almost do it with my eyes shut (although thinking about the importance of aiming makes keeping my eyes open preferable).

The trouble is when I need to (as Jimmy Carr put it) "grow a tail". Moving onto the seat it a challenge (day before yesterday I ended up laying by the side of the Armitage Shanks, unable to move. And after laying the cable, I was unable to dismount.

Some would say that I shouldn't worry. Others will rescue me.  It's true. They did. And again today. They do it without a murmur. It was as it is the most natural thing in the world.

But I felt humiliated. I want to do that all on my own, and I can't.

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