9 April 2009

Have been in a reflective mood today. Why would somebody want to get into a relationship with somebody like me? I mean, I know that people date serial killers on death row, but they are generally regarded as nutters.

I know that I have many fine qualities, including a fine mind, I'm not bad looking (at least I don't frighten small children or make horses bolt), I'm caring and thoughtful. But really, honestly, is that enough?

Doesn't someone at least want a partner who starts off with the ability to go for a walk in the countryside or go shopping without having to plan it like a military operation, who doesn't need a nap without warning, who doesn't need a stick to walk, who doesn't lose balance randomly, who can have sex as much and for as long as they want? Aren't those fundamental requirements, at least for anybody under the age of 80?

This kind of reflecting leads to me being suspicious, cynical and guarded. These are not, I fear, likely to endear me to someone in the early days of a relationship - quite apart from the reasons for me feeling like that. And it means that in a relationship someone has to be totally oblivious to my condition, recognise my fears, and deal with the ups and downs that inevitably arise between any couple.

And I want to be treated like a 'normal' person, not an invalid, whilst needing a partner to recognise that I have the limitations of MS.

What are the chances?