20 March 2013

For the first time since my diagnosis, I think I know how Johnny Hicklenton felt. It's nothing to do with pain (I don't have much) or even being a cripple (although that's no bed of roses).

It's the feeling of total fucking isolation. That a visit from social services marks a high point in my week. It's the intense envy that I feel towards everyone and everything.

I hate that in myself. It's not me, or at least it never has been up to now. I have always been generous, wanting the best for others but now I really don't give a toss.

Worst of all, I just reread that last paragraph and didn't want to change a word. Not one. And that scares me.

I need to make sure all my affairs are in order, just in case.