19 May 2009

Life is a voyage of self-discovery. Well, perhaps not quite to self-discovery. I suppose it's something I've always known but perhaps never acknowledged.

This evening I had the option of watching Last Action Hero or Notting Hill on TV. Not to mention the 600 or so DVDs on my shelves, including Notting Hill. And yet I chose to watch Notting Hill, despite having seen it many many times before.

It's like Love Actually, or any one of a myriad romantic films. I will still watch them when they come on TV, despite having seen them over and over. The fact that I am incredibly tired, at the end of a long day, I still watch it to the end.

I really to personify the hopeless in hopeless romantic. Yearning after a happy ending that is certain ever to elude me.

On a more positive note, I had a very pleasant conversation with the man who, but for my many and manifest errors, might have become my next father-in-law. He listened to me politely, and kindly agreed to help out, if he can, in resolving the mess that the end on my relationship has become. Although I sometimes only realise it too late for it to be of any real use, I have always been blessed to be surrounded by such kind people.

I know I should feel grateful for my life, but sometimes it's only too easy to realise how lucky I am when it's too late. Although I have no regrets about my life pre-MS, had I known that my life would change irreversibly, I could have, perhaps would have, done things differently, done more things, whilst I was still able to.

Similarly with my relationships. It's so true that "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" (Joni Mitchell, Big Yellow Taxi, since you ask).