11 July 2009

It just occurred to me that I no longer feel frightened by the MS. A little uncertain for sure, but no longer scared.

MS is a part of me, there's nothing I can do about it, so there's little to be gained from being frightened. It is what it is. Within me, but not me, if you see what I mean.

That's not to say that I like it. I don't, not one little bit. I despise it for the things it has done to me, the way it has forced me to adapt, the relationships it has wrecked (with a little help from me, if I'm totally honest). But we seem to have reached an understanding. It leaves me alone and I tolerate its existence. A kind of medical détente. A cold war without the Berlin Wall.

And for as long as it keeps its side of the bargain, I'll continue to be content. Not happy - I look elsewhere for the happiness in my life - but content that this part at least is settled.