7 December 2010

Why oh why oh why am I such a wuss about my MS?

I suspect this is beginning to sound like a scratched record in the sense that I keep writing about people’s kindness on the train. But this is a little different.
Today two very kind men, separately, asked me if I needed a seat on the train. It was full, and it went non-stop to my destination. Both of them were standing and were, I presume, quite prepared to ask the seated passengers to let me sit.

But I, in my stupid unwillingness to admit to needing help, thanked them very much, but said that I would be fine. Why did I do that? I have no issue with accepting an offer from someone who is already seated.

I guess others would say I need to grow a backbone, ask for a seat myself when one isn’t available. I would have had no issue in doing that for someone else. Perhaps it’s tied into me still struggling with my disability. I can stand, I did stand. But it sapped my energy. The train companies all provide sins over seats “please give up this seat to someone ...”.

I have always been strong, the person who does what needs to be done. Now I need to step up and assert myself as I do in other aspects of my life.

So this evening, I was determined to say something. I had steeled myself. But bugger me if some thoughtful man didn't offer me his seat.

Sometimes I just can't win.